Funny Confucius Sayings – Some of the Best Hilarious Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud
Yo mama is so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the doctor said no way in hell. These will have you rolling on the floor with laughter.
These Confucius jokes don’t have anything to do with the real ancient Chinese philosopher. These have everything to do about nothing more than downright fun and learning.
Funny Confucius quotes are special. They are the intersection of lowbrow humor and clever wordplay jokes. The “Confucius say” structure makes for a great setup line with some really good punchlines to close. if you are quotes lover and want to read more quotes than visit quotes slide.
What Are Funny Confucius Sayings?
Here’s how the format works: Establish a normal scenario, then surprise you with wordplay. Its puns are double entendres built to surprise and elicit laughter.
These fake philosophical aphorisms have been a staple of American humor for decades. They provide a contemporary rendition of Confucianism — strictly for entertainment.
What makes them funny? The answer is simple. They turn simple situations into sexual innuendo (or clever wordplay), that nobody would ever take notice of. Your brain is looking for wisdom and gets a joke instead. if you want to read Don Quixote Quotes than visit this page.
Funny Confucius Sayings About Marriage and Relationships
Confucius say: Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
Confucius say: Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night!
Confucius say: Man’s wife his better half, his mistress his better whole.
Confucius say: When wife complain too much about no magic in marriage, husband will disappear.
Confucius say: Man who was a dude before marriage, is now subdued. if you want to read about Sweet Mother’s Day Messages for Your Wife than visit this page.
Hilarious Confucius Jokes About Bathroom Humor
Confucius say: Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
Confucius say: Man that go to bed with itchy butt wake up with sticky fingers!
Confucius say: He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.
Confucius say: Man who farts in church sits in his own pew!
Funny Confucius Quotes About Work and Money.
Confucius say: Man who comes into money, have sticky financial situation.
Confucius say: Man who work all day for a pool maintenance company, will feel drained.
Confucius say: Banker who sits in freezer, will have frozen assets.
Confucius say: Man who finds job at crystal ball company will make a fortune.
Confucius say: He who masturbates in front of cash register come into money.
Confucius Sayings With Adult Humor and Innuendo
Confucius say: Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Confucius say: He who plays with self, pulls boner.
Confucius say: Man with five dicks will have pants that fit like a glove.
Confucius say: Woman who is in love with priest will chase him through church and grab him by the organ.
Funny Confucius Sayings About Dating and Romance
Confucius say: Woman who dates trash collector, will get dumped.
Confucius say: Girl who douches with vinegar walk around with sour puss.
Confucius say: Man who marries girl with no bust have right to feel low down.
Confucius say: Girl who sits on Judge’s lap gets honourable discharge.
Confucius say: Woman who wear something from Victoria’s Secret, have no more secrets.
Confucius say: Lady who goes down first time out, is called “Titanic”.
Clever Confucius Jokes About Everyday Life
Confucius say: He who eat cookie in bed, will wake up feeling crumby.
Confucius say: He who eat ice cream in car is a Sundae Driver.
Confucius say: He who put face in punch bowl get punch in nose.
Confucius say: Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants!
Funny Confucius Quotes About Professions and Careers
Confucius say: Prisoner who paints in jail, will have brush with the law.
Confucius say: Geometry teacher who loses parrot, will have polygon.
“Polygon” is a shape. “Polly’s gone” is what you’d say about a missing parrot. This geometry joke uses math terms cleverly.
Confucius say: Newscaster who reports hurricanes, knows how to talk up a storm.
Confucius say: Nurse who goes missing at beach, can be found under the doc.
Confucius say: Student who study history, will find there is no future in it.
Confucius say: Man who wants to kill a circus troupe, should go for the juggler.
Confucius Sayings That Will Light Up Your Day
Confucius say: Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes will soon burn out!
Confucius say: Dumb man climb tree to get cherry, wise man spread limbs.
Confucius say: Man who put head on Railroad track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache.
Trains cause literal head-splitting. The understatement of “headache” makes this dark joke work.
Confucius say: He who light the fuse of love, get big bang.
Medical and Health-Related Funny Confucius Jokes
Confucius say: Man who take sleeping pill and laxative on the same night will wake up in deep shit.
Confucius say: Man who mix Viagra and Ex-Lax, doesn’t know if he’s coming or going.
Confucius say: Company who make women’s vibrators is called, Genital Electric.
Confucius say: Crowded elevator always smell different to midget.
Random Hilarious Confucius Sayings You Can’t Miss
Confucius say: Woman who loses wedding ring in kitchen, should remove her drawers.
Confucius say: Man who is jacking off into a peanut butter jar is fucking nuts.
Confucius say: Army like blow job, the closer to discharge you get, the better it feels.
Confucius say: Man have more hair on chest than woman, but on whole woman have more.
Confucius say: He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.
Confucius say: Man who was a dude before marriage, is now subdued.
Confucius say: Man who behaves like an ass will be the butt of those who crack jokes.
Why Funny Confucius Sayings Never Get Old
“Confucius say” memes spread easily on social media. They’re short enough to remember and share with friends.
The kind of thing so potent you can get blasted on it in just one thick cartoon ribbon. No long setup required. And not pulling any punches when hitting them with the punch line.
Puns and wordplay tickle your brain in a different way than typical jokes. It takes a moment to process before the meaning snaps into place.
Contemporary joke wisdom has its origins in hundreds of years of tradition and wordplay. Shakespeare used sexual innuendo. So do we. The tradition continues.
It turns those typical Asian humor stereotypes around here. Instead of “wise Oriental saying,” you get satirical proverbs that poke fun at the format in searching for compromise.
How to Share These Funny Confucius Quotes
There is a right moment to share joke collections. Here’s when to deploy these jokes.
Party office welcomes jokes between adults but mind your audience. Begin with mild marriage jokes and only later unleash the naughty stuff.
The funny sayings work well as photo captions. They generate comments and shares. We all want to add our favorite.
Not surprisingly bar talk goes vulgar. These jokes make for prefect beer and friends time.
Family gatherings need careful selection. Stick to clean vs dirty Confucius jokes to share the can laugh at with grandma.
Clean versions can be ice breakers for dating apps. Show a sense of humor without being too extreme, too soon.
Mild jokes about marriage could be part of wedding toasts. And bear in mind what will work for your crowd before deciding which ones to employ.
The Art of the Confucius Joke Format
The “Confucius say” format follows a simple pattern. But understanding it helps you appreciate the wordplay.
The beat between setup and punchline counts. The normal meaning is processed first by the brain. Then the adult jokes just start coming at you.
Phoney philosophical quotes do their thing by just sounding wise at first. The format mimics real proverbs. Then the crude comedy appears.
Eastern philosophy humor can toy with our assumptions. Because we want wise, ancient Chinese philosopher wisdom. We get bathroom jokes instead.
It’s this difference between what is anticipated and what is, that the laughter at, is coming from. Your mind loves untangling the double helix of meaning.
Different Types of Wordplay in Confucius Jokes
Homophones: Words that sound the same but mean different things. “Pew” (church bench) and “P.U.” (stinky).
Double entendre: Words with dual meanings, typically one innocent and one sexual. “Come into money” is a two-way street.
Puns: Playing with similar-sounding words. “Polygon” and “Polly’s gone” are nearly indistinguishable.
Literal sense of interpretation: Interpretation in a literal or non‑figurative way. “Frozen assets” become actually frozen.
Brand names: The use of product names with double entendre meanings. “Lay’s” chips and “getting laid.”
Occupational words: Words connected to a profession, or that refer to something else in another context. “Crack salesman” for Kotex.
The History Behind “Confucius Say” Jokes
These jokes about Confucius began to crop up in American humor during the mid-1900s. No one knows who wrote the first one.
That format disseminated via joke collections that circulated in bars, offices and schools. People memorized them and passed them around.
The actual Confucius was a native of ancient China, who lived around 500 B.C. His teachings centered on morality, propriety, and social order.
These humorous Confucius “quotes” have no relation to real Confucianism. They just lifted the name for the format.
Why Confucius? It was already not unknown in the west as one of those sources of wisdom. The disparity between actual wisdom and coarse humor is what made the jokes.
Rice was also a factor, as were Asian humor stereotypes. The trope of the “wise Oriental saying” was twisted into satirical sayings.
Creating Your Own Funny Confucius Sayings
Why not create your own funny Confucius jokes? Follow these steps:
Example process: Begin at in “dentist.” Related terms are “drill,” “cavity,” “filling,” and “oral.
“Oral” has double meaning potential. And so does ”filling” in some senses.
Example: “Confucius Say: Dentist who works on a oral health knows more than teeth.
Why We Love Adult Humor and Wordplay
Psychology explains why dirty jokes make us laugh:
Surprise: Our brains are anticipating one thing and getting another. The unexpected shift triggers laughter.
Taboo breaking: Talking about what you’re not allowed to talk about in public generates nervousness and if the tension is broken, it’s with a laugh.
Intelligence signaling:If someone gets your puns, they must be worth keeping.
Social bonding: By telling racy jokes, they become intimate with their peers.
Stress release: You laugh at crude comedy to let off steam about serious subjects such as sex and money.
The Best Occasions for Confucius Jokes
Funny quotes are particularly good as birthday messages.
Bachelor parties: When a friend is about to tie the knot, it’s all adult fun and jokes.
Office happy hours: Postmai tai drinks are date #2 friendly and welcomes the office humor, relationship jokes.
Poker nights: It’s sort of standard to expect vileness (cruelty, that is) and one-liners at a guys’ night in.
Comedy clubs: Stand-up comics frequently rely on Confucius jokes as something to toss in between the real bits.
Texts: Share some humorous Confucius quotes to cheer up a friend.
Social media: “Confucius say” memes rack up likes and comments fast.
Confucius Jokes in Modern Pop Culture
“Confucius say” jokes appear throughout modern media and entertainment.
TV series have long made allusions to the format. Characters spit out these one-liners for cheap laughs.
Other go-tos of the stand-up comedy routine include Confucius jokes as surefire crowd-pleasers. Its format is just too irresistible.
Countless “Confucius say” memes were invented by internet culture. Image macros couple the jokes with Asian-themed imagery.
Youtube videos gather several hundreds of these funny Confucius sayings along with background music.
The punchlines are then reduced by TikTok creators to little sound bites, with some of the cuts including their own reactions.
Reddit threads dedicated to Confucius jokes include thousands of permutations. Users vie for the best wordplay.
Final Thoughts on Funny Confucius Sayings
These funny Confucius jokes are something you don’t see everyday, this kind of American humour is quite special. They do highbrow and lowbrow comedy beautifully.
Double entendre and puns are timeless. We are, even so, still sexually interested creatures and we zoom out of sex by thinking about it — especially if money is involved. Jokes about them stay funny.
This list of humorous Confucius quotes provides the laughs you need for all occasions. Choose your jokes & Tell them well.
And keep in mind that the greatest joke repositories are passed around. Tell these to friends. Post them online. Keep the tradition alive.
Laughter brings people together. These funny quotes spark moments of camaraderie and surprise.
The more tongue-in-cheek parody of Confucian wisdom serves as a reminder to not get too bent out of shape at life. Even antiquity philosophers probably would have laughed at dick jokes.
So bookmark this page. Return when you’re ready to laugh. Share your favorites with other pun aficionados.
