30 of the Funniest Red Dwarf Quotes We Can Remember
Cult sci-fi show Red Dwarf is pretty much top of the list when it comes to one-liners and catchphrases. We love everything about this classic sitcom, and the British humor still makes us laugh decades later. The list of our favorite Red Dwarf quotes is basically endless, but here’s a selection of the funniest Red Dwarf quotes that always get us cracking up. if you are quote lover and want to read more quotes than visit Quotes slide.
The Funniest Red Dwarf Quotes of All Time
This British comedy has given us some of the most memorable lines in science fiction comedy history. From Arnold Rimmer’s absurd plans to Kryten’s deadpan observations, these classic quotes showcase why Red Dwarf remains a cult humor favorite. Let’s dive into the best Red Dwarf quotes from our favorite crew members
Classic Rimmer Quotes
Arnold Rimmer is the gift that keeps on giving when it comes to hilarious comedy moments. As a hologrammatic crew member, his cowardice and incompetence create some of the show’s best banter. Here are some Rimmer quotes that perfectly capture his character.
“Kryten: Well Space Corp Directive 195 clearly states that in an emergency power situation, a hologrammatic crew member must give up his life in order that the living crew members might survive.<br /> Rimmer: Yes but Rimmer Directive 271 states just as clearly: no chance you metal bastard.”
This exchange shows the running gags about Space Corp Directive 195 and Rimmer Directive 271. Rimmer’s sarcastic comeback is peak British humor.
“Rimmer: Erm, I think we’re all beginning to lose sight of the real issue here, which is: what are we going to call ourselves? And I think it comes down to a choice between The League Against Salivating Monsters, or – and this is my personal preference – The Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society. Erm, one drawback with that – the abbreviation is C.L.I.T.O.R.I.S.”
Rimmer’s leadership parody shines in this moment. His absurd plans for naming committees show his complete lack of awareness. Pure wordplay gold.
“Rimmer: Call it extreme if you like, but I propose we hit it hard and hit it fast with a major – and I mean major – leaflet campaign.”
When facing space disasters, Rimmer always has the most ridiculous solutions. This punchline about emergency situations is classically him.
“Rimmer: You lost your virginity on a <strong>golf course</strong>? How’d you have the nerve?<br /> Lister: It wasn’t in the middle of the <strong>Ryder Cup</strong> or anything! It was midnight.”
The character banter between Rimmer and Lister creates laugh-out-loud moments. This exchange is pure friendship comedy.
“Rimmer: It’s my duty. My duty as a complete and utter bastard!”
Rimmer’s self-awareness occasionally breaks through. This iconic saying sums up his entire character perfectly.
“Rimmer: What? Just because we’re <strong>three million years into</strong> <strong>deep space</strong> and the <strong>human species</strong> is <strong>extinct</strong>? That means nothing to these people. They’ll find us.”
This quote captures the absurd humor of Red Dwarf. Even three million years into space, Rimmer worries about bureaucracy.
“Rimmer: Step up to <strong>Red Alert</strong>!<br /> Kryten: Sir, are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb.”
Kryten’s response to Rimmer’s dramatic order shows the mock heroism of the TV series. Simple but brilliant.
“Rimmer: You can’t scare me, I’m a coward! I’m always scared!”
Rimmer’s cowardice becomes a badge of honor. This witty remark is so perfectly him.
Funniest Lister Quotes
Dave Lister brings working-class British humor to space comedy. His observations about life three million years from Earth create some funniest Red Dwarf moments. Check out these Lister quotes. if you want to read GRATITUDE QUOTES ISLAM than visit this page.
“Lister: Rimmer, real dumplings, proper dumplings when they’re properly cooked to perfection, proper dumplings, should not bounce.”
Lister’s complaint about food on the spaceship is relatable comedy. Even in deep space, standards matter.
“Lister: Three million years! I’ve still got that <strong>library book</strong>!”
This one-liner about overdue library books is peak Lister. The mundane meets the cosmic.
“Lister: Oh God, <strong>aliens</strong>… Your explanation for anything slightly peculiar is <strong>aliens</strong>, isn’t it? You lose your keys – it’s <strong>aliens</strong>. A picture falls off the wall – it’s <strong>aliens</strong>. That time we used up a whole bog roll in a day, you thought that was <strong>aliens</strong> as well!”
Lister’s rant about Rimmer’s obsession with aliens is a fan favorite. The escalation makes it perfect satire.
“Lister: You look like <strong>Clive of India</strong>!”
Short and sweet. Lister’s insults are always creative.
“Lister: I’m gonna use my brains for the first time in my life.<br /> Kryten: Considering the circumstances, sir, do you really believe that’s wise?”
Kryten’s polite burn of Lister is perfectly timed. Great humorous exchange.
“Lister: We’re a real <strong>Mickey Mouse</strong> operation, aren’t we?<br /> Cat: <strong>Mickey Mouse</strong>? We ain’t even <strong>Betty Boop</strong>!”
Cat’s response takes Lister’s complaint even further. The pop culture references add extra layers.
“Lister: I’ll tell you one thing. I’ve been to a <strong>parallel universe</strong>, I’ve seen <strong>time running backwards</strong>, I’ve played pool with <strong>planets</strong> and I’ve given birth to twins, but I never thought in my entire life I’d taste an edible <strong>Pot Noodle</strong>.”
This perfectly captures the space travel adventures of Red Dwarf. The punchline about Pot Noodle brings it all back to Earth.
“Lister: You can’t confuse Rimmer with a book. A book’s got a spine.”
Lister’s sarcastic comeback about Rimmer is brutal and brilliant. Perfect nerd humor.
Kryten’s Best Lines
Kryten delivers some of the most perfectly deadpan comedy lines in the show. His polite mechanoid nature creates amazing jokes. These Kryten quotes are absolute classics.
“Kryten: An excellent plan, with just two drawbacks: One, we don’t have a <strong>power source</strong> for <strong>lasers</strong>; and Two, we don’t have any <strong>lasers</strong>.”
Kryten’s logical breakdown of ridiculous solutions is peak comedy. His politeness makes it even funnier.
“Kryten: They’ve taken Mr. Rimmer! Sir, they’ve taken Mr. Rimmer!<br /> Cat: Quick – let’s get out of here before they bring him back!”
Cat’s response to Kryten’s panic is one of the funniest Red Dwarf moments. The crew conflicts create perfect comedy.
“Kryten: With respect sir, you think Jesus was a hippie.<br /> Rimmer: Well, he was. He had long hair and he didn’t have a job. What more do you want?”
Rimmer’s explanation is so perfectly absurd. This parody of religious discussion is classic Red Dwarf.
“Kryten: Sir, I’ll stake my reputation on it.<br /> Rimmer: Kryten, you haven’t got a reputation.<br /> Kryten: No, sir, but I’m hoping to acquire one from this <strong>escapade</strong>.”
Kryten’s optimism despite Rimmer’s putdown is charming. Great character banter.
“Kryten: Whatever it is, they clearly have a <strong>technology</strong> way in <strong>advance</strong> of our own!<br /> Lister: So do the <strong>Albanian State Washing Machine Company</strong>.”
Lister’s comeback shows just how low-tech the Red Dwarf crew really is. Perfect satire.
“Kryten: Sir, would you describe the accused [Rimmer] as a friend?<br /> Cat: Take the Fifth!”
Cat’s immediate response says everything. The crew’s feelings about Rimmer are clear.
Holly’s Hilarious Observations
Holly, the ship’s computer, delivers deadpan British humor like no one else. These Holly quotes show genius-level stupidity. if you want to read about Buffalo Quotes than visit this page.
“Holly: Nothing wrong with dog’s milk. Full of goodness, full of vitamins, full of marrowbone jelly. Lasts longer than any other type of milk, dog’s milk.<br /> Lister: Why?<br /> Holly: No bugger’ll drink it.”
Holly’s logic is flawless and disgusting. This running gag about survival in space is unforgettable.
Ace Rimmer Quotes
Ace Rimmer is everything Arnold Rimmer wishes he could be. His catchphrases are legendary in geek culture.
“Ace: Smoke me a kipper, I’ll be back for breakfast.”
This is probably the most iconic saying from Red Dwarf. Ace Rimmer makes everything sound cool.
“Ace Rimmer: You can’t judge a book by its cover.<br /> Lister: You can’t confuse Rimmer with a book. A book’s got a spine.”
Lister’s repeat of this joke shows how much he enjoys roasting Rimmer.
Cat’s Memorable One-Liners
Cat brings style and vanity to the space comedy. His responses are always perfectly timed.
“Cat: Quick – let’s get out of here before they bring him back!”
Cat’s survival instinct when it comes to avoiding Rimmer is relatable.
“Cat: Mickey Mouse? We ain’t even Betty Boop!”
Cat knows how to make a bad situation sound even worse.
“Cat: Take the Fifth!”
Short, sweet, and perfectly Cat.
Other Unforgettable Red Dwarf Moments
These comedy moments from other characters round out our collection of funniest quotes.
“Bear Strangler McGee: That pays for the hat. What about the insult?<br /> Rimmer: OK, you’re a fat, bearded git with breath that could paralyse a grizzly.”
Rimmer somehow finds courage when facing Bear Strangler McGee. His insult is surprisingly bold.
Why These Red Dwarf Quotes Still Make Us Laugh
This cult sci-fi show combines science fiction comedy with working-class British humor. The crew’s incompetence, isolation, and absurd humor create comedy scripts that stand the test of time. Whether it’s Rimmer’s mock heroism, Lister’s sarcastic comebacks, or Kryten’s polite observations, these Red Dwarf one-liners prove why it remains a retro TV comedy favorite.
From emergency power situations to crew conflicts, from aliens to time running backwards, Red Dwarf finds humor in every sci-fi problem. These memorable lines show why fans still quote the show decades later. The witty remarks, punchlines, and funny dialogue make Red Dwarf essential viewing for anyone who loves space comedy and classic sitcom humor.
